Long Beach

Lifu comes to the age where he is learning what independence and freedom means. It is amazing to see at his young age he has known that this is a luxury which he is about to strike and fight for in life.

Our "toddler guide for parents" book suggests that we should let Lifu learn to feed himself. During dinner time we served him a bowl of white rice, fish and veges. We fetched him a little spoon with plastic covering. At first he tried knocking the spoon at the bowl, that returned no food to him. He tried stirring the spoon in the bowl, the food are well mixed, yet, there is still no food into his mouth. He observed how I used my fork and spoon fetching for food, reached out and he tried to grabbed some from my plate. Mummy suggested to him that there was food in his bowl. Bizarrely he continued trying for his bowl.

Off he went with the spoon, off he came with empty spoon. In his right hand he waved his spoon in the air, with frustration he reached out his left hand and grabbed a whole bunch of mixture of rice and bean sprouts and stuffed it into his mouth. Finally, he got something that he could chew on. He tried with his spoon again, yet, it was one of the most difficult task he had ever experienced in life. Angrily he kicked, yelled and threw the spoon on the ground, looked at me with annoyance filled all over his face. I said "no, no", picked up the spoon, mummy wiped it clean and returned to him. Again he tried... After another 5 minutes, I could not stand it any more with all his fail attempts, I picked up a tiny cut meat from mummy and fetched it to his mouth. He had his lips tightly sealed, not letting me to feed him. Not at all.

Lifu got one tiny meat in his spoon eventually, quickly he half sprung, half sent he stuffed it into his mouth. Lifu got his first piece of meat, using utensils and feeding all by himself. His eyes widely opened, hands raised and waving, legs straightened and kicking. Loudly he roared, giving us the most obvious symbolic signal of success.

Lifu has the temper and determination of a bull, yet he was born in the year of dog. I wonder where he learns that from....

I had Lifu sitting on my lap facing forward, we were watching some music videos online that kept him calm and quiet... Tinglin fetched us a plate of watermelon, red and juicy melons. I held a fork and cut through small pieces, feeding Lifu one by one, he grasped them down like watermelon is over-produced for the season.

There is only so many melons the little stomach can stores, soon he was shaking his head and kept his lips tightly sealed. Using his little hand, Lifu grabbed the fork with a little piece of watermelon still on it. Thought that he wanted to play with it and I was unhappy with the sharp edges, I fought back resisting him from taking it. He complained with a loud and unsatisfactory voice. I had to give in, little bugger always win. Cautiously I had both my hands ready and blocking him from poking himself.

Lifu held the fork steadily on his right hand, raised it up, head turned around and with anticipation in his eyes, he was looking at me. He fetched me the piece of melon to my mouth. I took the bite and laughed, thanking Lifu for such consideration. He laughed, eyes squinted and revealed his newly grown teeth. That was the angel look I ever got to know.

It was then I knew where angels really come from.

Happiness

Do you know what happiness is?

It is when Lifu lean on my shoulder before falling asleep
while I am patting his crunched back,
rocking side to side
bouncing up and down
playing the music CD
while he halfway shutting those eyes,
sweating through the back of his big head (always sweat before sleep)
and softly he hums tunes to the music that
only lyrics he could comprehend

It is those eyes that is widely lit
with the smirk that slowly widen
as proportional to the distance I am approaching
the sudden plasm of muscles tightened
through his limbs muscles strengthen
where Lifu kicks and waves
the moment I step into the door returning from work

It is the worm like body squirming and twisting
through the mummy's powerful grasp
where he struggles to find the perfect position
that only he knows what to satisfy
and the happy smile he cunningly pose
as he has won the battle of struggle
where mummy has to give in
to suit the most comfortable position he could ever find

I think, I have found happiness once again...
20 years later through the little soul...

Last night Lifu just did not want to go to sleep.

Instead he rolled and crawled and rolled all over the bed, occasionally sitting up and looked at you, and laughed. I was exhausted by him, thus I lied down on the edge while he continued his "adventure". Suddenly he just fell back and collapsed backward, missed the pillow and banged his head against the wall. Bizarrely, he stunned with wide eyes, sightly opened mouth, for ten seconds. He rose, turned around looked at the white pale wall, took his little hand and hit the wall, checking on the wall and noticed it was hard. Then he hit the pillow nearby, and discovered that it was soft. He hit the wall again and realized that it was no joke, it was really hard. Out of the blue, suddenly he dove his head down, right onto the pillow and landed "softly". He rose, looked at me and laughed happily.

He crawled around again and after few minutes, once more, he collapsed backward and hit his head partially to the wall. Stunned and bizarred again, he turned and looked. This time, he tried to pull the pillow sidewards, which I kindly helped him. Once again, he turned around, making sure the pillow was there and he intentionally fell backward, landed on the soft pillow. This time, he rose, laughed and waved, joyfully.